It’s Caught!
The world lives & breathes with lies. They lie to themselves. They lie to each other. They especially lie if it gets them something they want or keeps them out of trouble. Unfortunately, our children are made with the same tendencies. “Benjamin, who broke the lamp in the living room?” “Not me!”
Teaching truthfulness means to go against the grain; to go against your child’s instincts. “Even from birth the wicked go astray; from the womb they are wayward and speak lies.” Psalms 58:3 (NIV)
Benjamin lied about not breaking the lamp because he feared punishment. He was protecting himself! Some adults do the same thing.
“Is everything ok, Honey?” You say “Yes, dear!” as you grumble & storm away! Of course he should know that you are mad that he failed to hang up his wet towel AGAIN! You storm around for 2 days until you finally lambaste your husband with all of your irritations all-the-while he has had no clue that you were upset about anything.
Or perhaps your wife has just come home from a shopping trip. She was picking out a new dress to wear to your employer’s Christmas party. “What do you think, Dear?” You say “It looks great!” even though you hate the color, wish it was a little less revealing, & think it is way over budget. You keep your comments to yourself because you don’t want to deal with a possible argument. Later, at the party you get irritated when other men notice the way her dress fits too!
“God, help me to be a person of truth, grounded in your truth. Help me to stand on your truth when the world around me denies you and your truth. May I defeat the lies of the enemy with truth and may truth always come from my lips.” –Pastor John Blodgett (from his series on Spiritual Warfare at First Baptist Church of Elkhart in July 2010)
Honesty should be a part of how you deal with anyone from your spouse, to your children, to your friends & especially unbelievers! Since the world feeds lies, as does Satan, you should be representing God as a truthful God. Remember that the church is the guardian of truth (I Timothy 3:15).
Let me go just a little farther with honesty. God’s Word is truth (John 17:17)! I am sure you agree! Of course you know His Word is also powerful. In fact, I Timothy 3:16 & 17 says that “all Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.” We are made complete by the Word of God. It is powerful to do all of these things because it is truth! Honesty is not just refraining from lies, but is using God’s Truth in everything we do! What I mean is that you should be revealing or making known what God has said.
Let’s say that your child is gossiping (another thing that is often untruthful) about a friend to another one of his/her friends. You overhear the conversation. What should you do? If you are rooted in truth, you can use the sword of the Spirit, God’s Word, so that God can make your child more complete & equipped for every good work. Allow the truth of Proverbs 18:7 & 8, which says “The mouths of fools are their ruin; they trap themselves with their lips. Rumors are dainty morsels that sink deep into one’s heart,” to work in your child’s life! If you have already learned or explained the verse to your child, that’s great! If not, take the time to talk about it. Don’t be afraid to even explain it in front of the other child either! Remember, who your child associates with will influence them greatly, so any influence you can have on them will benefit your child too!
Don’t be surprised if you are also held to this standard by your child. BE CAREFUL!! Remember that God’s Word is doing the work, not the person sharing it. Allowing your child to do this can sometimes become a respect issue though. I would suggest that you evaluate the maturity & age of the child before giving permission for this to occur. If you do allow this, they need to know that they can come to you, but must do it in an honoring way. When it is child to parent, this should be done in private & you might need to help them learn how to say it in a loving way.
When we are honest to those around us & allow God’s truth to permeate all that we do, we will show our children that God’s Word is the living word that works in us & through us. Remember IT’S CAUGHT & TAUGHT!! Let’s take a look at how we might also teach honesty to our children.
It’s Taught!
Let’s go back to the case where Benjamin just broke the lamp in the living room. Before I talk about what has just happened, this is what I would have done:
1) QUOTE SCRIPTURE!
“The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful.” Proverbs 12:22 (NIV)
2) TEACH!
“Benjamin, before we talk about this I want to remind you that lying is sin. God detest or hates lying & so do I. I expect you to be truthful in what I am about to ask you. You will get into more trouble if you are not truthful with me. Do you understand?”
I would then begin to ask detailed questions about what happened. “I see that the lamp is broken. Were you kicking the soccer ball in the living room? Did you knock it over?”
In most cases you will not be totally sure what all the truth is, so make sure to listen to what your child says. If you have an idea of what happened & it seems that they are lying, use the facts of what you see to explain what it looks like happened. “It seems that you were playing with your soccer ball in the living room & your you accidentally kicked the ball into the lamp. I see your ball has some broken pieces on it.”
At that point, if Ben still denies that he knocked over the lamp, ask if he is lying. In this case, it is pretty clear that Ben knocked over the lamp. I would punish him for kicking his soccer ball in the living room which is not accepted in our house & he would receive another, more severe, punishment for lying.
However, if I could not pinpoint exactly what happened & Ben denies his involvement, I would handle it differently. I would tell him “it seems that you might have broken the lamp, but God knows if you are lying. Let’s quote Proverbs 12:22 together…Are you lying to me?...Ok. I am not going to punish you because I expect you to be honest with me. If you change your mind on what happened, you need to come talk to me!”
3) PRAY!
Ben let’s pray about this together. Let’s ask God to help us to speak the truth in all circumstances. You also need to ask God for forgiveness for lying.
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